This past year has been nothing but pure tirter to my soul. i look back now and all it being is tears to my eyes. i can not bielve even half of what i have done. being someone who has done her best to have a strong fondation with her father in heaven went all the way to neer thinking about him. to chosing a man frist. a man who did not even love her a fraction of how much her God her father in heaven did. The tears i shed even thinking about it bring pain to my heart. i learned the one thing i was always told the hard way "guys will tell you anything to get your pruity" i kills me everyday to even think about that fact that the man i was with only wanted one thing and sadly he got that. i hate not being hole. not being able to go to my husband that i marry and saying you were the one i waited for no i have to expalin to him that i gave up with should have belong to him to someone who used nothing but kind words to hide the hateful sceming man he really was.

My Dad told me many time "pretty girl this guy is not good for you hes only gonig to hurt you" not only did i let God down i let my Father down. i let so many people down for everything that i did. i look in the mirror andi think "who am i? who did i become?" i cant bielve it i cant even handle it sometime. my arm is still in pain from the time the man i thought was suppose to be the love of my life actually lifted me up and threw me into a wall. the one who tried to rape me when i said i did not want to have sex. i wanted to do what God wanted. the man who was suppose to be that man of God became the devil within a second.

What does God want with someone like me? that is the thought that runs threw my mind. after all the times this year i actaully turned my back on God. i told him i chose my man. the man that made me steal, cheat, give up my purity,do thing i never wanted to do, how can a loving God love someone like me? but what also will send a tear down my face is the simple fact that God does want me. He does love me Jesus is with me and was with me the hole time waiting for me to do what i am doing now. turning to him. grabing his hand and asking him to lead me. asking him to lead my life. and he loves me he cares for me and he wanted me with him in heaven and that is the most wounderful thing. that most amazing thing that is worht more to me now then it ever was. i will never let this go i will enver again allow anyone to take me away from my God My lord My savior, My best friend. The lord is my everything and i thank him everyday for saving me. I praise you lord in the storm

Rock The Wolrd For Jesus

Nicole